I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
