i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
