Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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