trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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