last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
