i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
