I got chris browned last night
we made out on top of his cat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
