I bet he comes in French.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
