I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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