did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
