Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
