Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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