I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
