someone owes me an orgasm
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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