we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
