don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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