Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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