and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
