Jerry, you need to find god
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
