Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
