he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
