Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
