Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
