Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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