coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
