peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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