You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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