Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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