Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
