You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
