From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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