There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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