don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
