she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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