I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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