Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
