I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
