even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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