Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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