i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
