im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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