..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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