I CAN MOONWALK!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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