the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
