Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
