Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
