You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Be still, my beating vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
