I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
