Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you win again, gameday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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