i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
